Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
