Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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