I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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