I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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