Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
