im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
