First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
