I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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