Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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