I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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