you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
