you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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