I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
