But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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