woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
