i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you never un-have a 4some
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
