No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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