Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
