This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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