She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
