Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
