1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
