The maid of honor just puked.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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