I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
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