I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
