last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
40s are totally the cure
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
