She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
