It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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