Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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