Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
