i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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