I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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