Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
