8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
