like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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