soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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