Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
