so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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