I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
