I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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