dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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