It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
