# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
