After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need moral support for this bender
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
