they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
