sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
