I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
