Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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