She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
