I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
