i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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