I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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