your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
